Waiting

Party now, settle later?

I've chatted with a friend or two recently about the mindset that many people seem to have regarding dating. It seems that people my age are interested in "having fun" with their dating. What does that translate to? It means girls date the bad guys and assholes. It means guys chase whoever will sleep with them. They'll "settle down" in 10 years or so when they decide they want a family. Then they'll find the nice guy/girl who'd make a good father/mother and marry them. I've heard this sort of sentiment expressed more than once, albeit not in that many words, and I've talked to friends who have picked up the same vibe as well.

I'm the type of guy who gets told by all the older women (mom's of friends, aunts, etc.) that I'll be "such a good father!" I hate the "good father" label; it translates to undateable, undesirable, and unattractive in the eyes of every dateable, desirable, and attractive girl. But I am who I am. I can't and won't pretend to be something I'm not just to get girls. I'm guess I'm the type who's just supposed to wait 10 years.

That idea has always pissed me off. I couldn't put my finger on the exact reason, but the thought of having to wait around for years for people to settle down seemed grossly unfair. Regardless, I knew that I wasn't going to do it. I'm not the subservient dog who waits patiently for his owner's arrival and then jumps up and wags his tail when she finally gets there. Forget it.

The other day, though, I was standing in the shower and this issue started rolling around in my head again. Maybe shampoo is beneficial for the thinking process, cause I think I finally figured out what bothers me so much about the "bad guys/girls now, fathers/mothers later" mindset. It's all about you.

Every part of the mindset if focused on you and what you want. I want to have "fun" right now so I'm going to date the guy/girl who'd be good for that. I want to get married and have a family, so I'm going to find a guy/girl who'd be good for that. I, I, I. It never takes into consideration what your spouse might think or feel about everything you do. It never worries that they might be sitting in loneliness and misery while you were having your fun. It never puts their welfare before your own.

But who cares what they think? Nothing compares to the all-important edifice that is you, right?