Sweat It Out

"I said not long before that work and weakness are comforters, but sweat is the kindest creature of the three - far better than philosophy as a cure for ill thoughts."

Proof that C.S. Lewis was a wise man.

As often as not, when something's bothering you, the best thing you can do is just go and sweat it out. Run until you can't, do pushups until til your arms shake, pound on a bag until your hands are sore.

Because sometimes, when you're too tired to think, things suddenly become plain. Or maybe you become too tired to run from the facts that you knew all along. No matter how it works, sweat is one of the best ways I've ever found to straighten your mind out.

Let's Go!

A sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now, ride now! Ride to... Bottineau?

That reference probably makes me a huge nerd, but whatever. Tolkien was a genius, and I love his work. That's another post, though.

This past weekend I took a trip with one of my friends and fellow RAs to a town called Bottineau. It's in North Dakota, near the border of Canada, and it's basically podunk nowhere.

You see my friend had a history project that required him to find a monument in North Dakota that nobody in the class had researched and research it. That, in turn, required him to go and see the actual monument. Hence the trip.

It's roughly a five hour drive to Bottineau, a fairly large undertaking, and I didn't really want to make him do it by himself, so I decided to give up a weekend in Bemidji to go with him. It wasn't exactly my first choice of things to do with my weekend, but being there for your friends is important to me so I sucked it up and went.

While it was a long drive, and while I may have had more fun per second doing something else, it wasn't the worst trip I've ever been on by a long shot.

Kinda last minute, we picked up another RA and friend (Ethan) who lives near Minot, not that far from Bottineau. That way, instead of making the trip all in one day, we drove to Ethan's house and met his family. They were about the nicest people you could imagine, and it was fun to meet them all. I'd even heard legends about the ever present nacho makings that reside in Ethan's household and, true to form, Ethan's mother made a big pan of them for us to munch on.

Yum.

On the road, we found various ways to amuse ourselves. One of these ways was a service called ChaCha. Basically, you text a question to the sight and they have a bunch of people who Google your question and see if they can find an answer. It's no encyclopedia, but you can get some pretty hilarious answers if you get the right people and ask the right question. You can also get answers that are useful. For example, we were driving back to Fargo and wondering what was in the dining center that night, so we texted ChaCha asking for the menu of the Residence Dining Center at NDSU, and the guy found it! We were all very impressed .

We also asked ChaCha if Cookie Monster cries himself to sleep ever night because he eats veggies now instead of cookies. Some answers we got were lame (we asked multiple times, and a different person answers each time), but the winner was the guy whose answer involved cookie rehab and cookie monster being caught melting down cookie down in a spoon. Golden.

The most important thing I saw on this trip, though, was the beginning of the end. That's right, the world as we know it does not have much time left. Do you know why? Let me show you...

Exhibit A:
Click on the picture and look closely. Do you know what all those little white lines in the background are? That's right...

Windmills. *dramatic music*

Windmills you say? What's so bad about windmills?

See Exhibit B:
When I first read this comic(thank you xkcd), I thought it was a funny joke. Then I saw them.

Late at night, a single red light pulsates atop each mighty sentinel, it's scarlet gaze watching the world below and waiting. Waiting for its chance to break its terrestrial chains and stride across the land, crushing all that oppose it. Waiting... for the robot wars to begin.

But no really, late at night, red lights on top all of the windmills flash in unison and put out this eerie glow. It's totally creepy.

My final story on this ridiculously long post is a short one. We were driving through the city (and I use that term loosely) of Rugby, and were pulling up to a stop by a stop sign. Suddenly, a tumbleweed rolls across the road. We all blinked in stunned amazement and watched the tumbleweed travel it's course. Then we all burst out laughing. I promptly started singing The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly theme. I even managed to catch a picture of it out the back window as we drove away.

That's the tumbleweed by the red car there. We figured out later that it was probably some kind of wreath or something and not a true tumbleweed, but still... nothing screams that your in Nowhere, ND like seeing a tumbleweed on the road.

Overall, it was a trip that I don't regret making. I had some fun and I was able to help out a friend. If the need ever arises for you to help out a friend even though you would rather spend your time some other way, I'd say go help your friend out. In my experience, it usually works out to be a pretty good time.

Until next time, though, hope you survive the robot war!

Wistfulness

These words disturb me...

I've decided relationships should grow smoothly out of friendships.

When you have problems, I'll be there for you, night after night.

Selflessly.

I'll tear down the jerks you date, and wait for you to realize how good I am for you. That only I will ever understand you.

You won't want to hurt my feelings, and I won't ever force the issue. I'll tell myself it's because I "value our friendship."

Bit by bit, I'll make you depend on me.

You'll think about how long it would take to build this kind of connection again.

And in a moment of weakness

and loneliness

you'll give in.

It'll feel comfortable and natural. You'll quietly revise your definition of love and try to be happy. And sometimes you will be.

Only the wistfulness in your gaze and the tiny pause before you say "I love you" will hint that this wasn't the ending you'd hoped for.

~Randall Munroe

I used to think that relationships should grow out of friendships. I used to think that that was the smartest way to do things because you would already know the person and be building a relationship on top of the base of a strong friendship.

These days I'm not so sure.

Because a heart that doesn't burn for you isn't worth the pain that hearts bring. And a heart that doesn't burn for you shouldn't cheat itself.

On The Art Of Listening

Shhh.



Hear that? That's the sound of you listening.

Listening is a skill that not a lot of people are good at because they don't realize its value. If someone has a problem that they want to talk about, others will often want to speak up. They want to give advice or solutions or reassurance or examples of similar situations that they went through. And don't get me wrong, all of these things are good. But unless they're used sparingly, they actually tend to inhibit good conversation.

That sounds a little counter-intuitive, I know, but hear me out.

If someone comes to you with a problem or a situation that they want to talk over, it's more important that they talk than it is that you talk. Why? Because they're the one who wanted to talk about it! They're the one with the problem. They want to get their feelings out, and the only way for them to do that is for them to talk about it. Oftentimes, putting your feelings and problems into words is the biggest help, whether or not you find the solution in the process.

But if someone comes to you and you fill every pause in the conversation with your own thoughts, you're probably missing out on THEIR thoughts. And their thoughts are what you really want to hear and what they really need to say.

But if you don't fill the silence, what will? Won't there be a big awkward silence?

Yep.

But that's exactly the point! Silence is good! And in most cases, it's not actually an awkward silence. It's time for the other person to think. Because if you're not stuffing their brain full of your thoughts, they have time to figure out their own and give them to you.

The problem of good-intentioned people talking over those they are trying to help is really quite widespread. In RA training, we do something called "open doors" where returner RAs (such as myself) act out possible situations that new RAs might have to deal with. One thing that I found in my situation was that hardly anyone gave me any time to actually talk about the situation. They would begin desperately throwing solutions and advice at me the instant they thought they knew what was going on. They wanted to be helpful, but in their rush to be helpful, they actually did the worst thing that they could do. They talked over the person trying to talk to them.

Most people don't even realize they do it. I have found, though that it takes a conscious effort to listen.

You see, ever since I learned the importance of listening (from my father - thanks Dad), I have started thinking about everything I say to a person when I'm talking with them on a deeper level. I try not to offer advice unless it's asked for. I try not to say anything that isn't either very important or clearly helpful. I even try not to murmur in constant agreement (which can be bad, believe it or not). And if someone trails off, I don't leap forward to fill the silence. Sometimes I won't say anything for a good minute or two, just to give them time to think.

It's not easy, but it works. I've been amazed by what some people will say if you give them the opportunity to say it. I've heard interesting facts, bitter admissions, and dark secrets simply because I didn't say anything for a while. Because as soon as you start talking, the other person stops. But if you let a little silence linger, people will bare their souls.

So the next time someone wants to talk to you, take time to listen carefully. Think about each thing you say and decide whether or not it's REALLY important. Then only say half of those things that you thought were REALLY important. And when you find yourself searching for something to say because the other person isn't saying anything, stop. Listen. You'll be surprised at what you hear.