I recently had a long talk with a good friend, the type that keeps you up til the late hours of the night without either of you noticing. One of the (many) things we talked about was romance and love. After we finally parted ways, I continued to think.
For those of you not in the know, romance has never come easily or gone well for me. An interesting thought struck me, though, as I sat pondering. I think that I have a great capacity to give and inspire brotherly love, yet I'm terrible at giving and inspiring romantic love.
This seems to fit the facts. I've had several people comment to me that my friends are extremely loyal. Well, loyal isn't exactly the right word. They see that my friends love me. And frankly, I love my friends. I have a number of people for whom, if they needed it, I would stay awake all night talking with them, drive hours to be with them during a rough time, protect them if they were in danger, beat down anyone who was hurting them, sit by their hospital bed if they were in an accident... you name it. I wouldn't do all this for everyone I know, of course, but even for those friends I don't hold quite as close, I would still help and support them in whatever way I could, should the need arise.
But while I have this great capacity to give and inspire brotherly love, I seem to be sorely lacking when it comes to romantic love. For whatever reason, I have failed miserably in terms of romance. All of my attempts have been greeted with rejection or rapid, ugly failure. I don't hold this fact against anyone, and I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad by saying it. It's just a fact. I have a hard time loving girls romantically, and a harder time getting them to requite. On my end, it might be that I overthink myself, that I'm too busy worrying about the future, too busy guarding myself against further hurt to love a girl they way I should. And with regards to the girls side, perhaps my ability to instill brotherly love works against me. Perhaps I too easily assume the role of close-friend, confidant, brother... and nothing else.
As I continued to mull over this thought, a second one occurred (two thoughts in one day... I'm on a roll). Maybe I should be grateful for the gift I have instead of bitter over the one I don't. Having close friends is a gift not to be taken lightly, and instead of ignoring it just because I'm a romantic failure, I should appreciate it for what it is.
Does that mean that I enjoy being bad at romance? No. I long for a girl to love with all my heart, but I don't know that I'll ever find one.
But at least I'll have friends that I care about and who care about me. I may as well be thankful to God for that, and rely on Him to handle the rest, trusting that He, in His infinite knowledge and love, will give me what I need to get by and do what is best for me.
Monday, January 25, 2010
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2 comments:
I think the problem here is not a failure to inspire interest, but a lack of observational skills. I know for a fact that there are girls who like you (even a few who think you're hot). You just don't know who they are yet. Your "secret admirer" is evidence of this.
That said, a few tragic encounters with love don't mean that you are doomed to a life of solitude and woe. You are TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD, you emo. It's too early to be jaded!
Your last paragraph says it all. If you're that devoted of a friend, you're one step ahead of the rest of humanity and girls will see that. Eventually you'll encounter one that's worth investing in. Till then, be patient and enjoy what God has given you here and now!
Not entirely true. I've noticed several girls (a few at Wheaton, a few since) who like/have liked me. I just don't ever requite, and since I don't, I tend to keep my observations to myself.
And in point of fact, I'm 22. That's basically over the hill. Next stop, death.
But no, you're right. I know all of this, and I try to keep it in mind, and honestly, I'm satisfied with my life about 99% of the time. The last one percent is just something I have to keep working on.
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